Breakthrough...

In his epistle to the Galatians, the apostle Paul scolds the church saying, "Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?" This, sadly, was the fact of my life for around the past year and a half or so. Having been set free by the Spirit of grace to live a life of freedom and righteousness, I began to live a life of hard and fast rules that I had based on scriptual evidence and reason. My wife was soon strangled by the spirit of these rules, a spirit foreign to the love she knew from God, but it had the right fruit. I partook in lenghty quiet times, witnessing, purposeful fellowship, fasting, Sunday worship, ministry opportunities, discipleship bible studies, no secular movies, no secular music, and no television. I mean, no one could point out how I could possibly be displeasing God...my life was filled with Him and things about Him. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I lost my salvation or anything of that sort (Gal. 5:4), but one things was for sure...the simple joy I had in Jesus was long past...I am going to post, in full, what the Lord revealed to me all in one sitting about the life I had been living and the one He had for me in spirit and truth...it is a metaphorical description of the spiritual reality of my life.

"Zecheriah 13:9 - 'And I will bring the third part through the fire, refine them as silver is refined and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name and I will answer them, I will say, 'They are my people' and they will say "The Lord is my God.' " Jesus, You have made it apparent to me that I have unsuccessfully attempted to refine myself with what I had thought You did before. The result has been legalism disguised as love - such a clever mask to the Christian who knows enought Christianese. Lord, You didn't say these people would even serve You in response! They would just simply come to know You - and that is all that is necessary - come low and as a child. The deceitul heart loves legalism because it appeases the conscience while leaving the appearance of righteousness. I believed I was at work at the plow (and perhaps I was by God's grace, for "He is faithful even when I'm faithless" ) but in actuality I was blinded to the fact of reality that I was digging my own grave of self-righteousness. This is why I continually was trying to justify my actions before my God-given conscience. Soon, the deception was over my eyes, the scales cemented by the lies of the enemy. Now the community around me was convinced that I had it together and then some, and as long as my prideful eye was upon them, I remained deceived in my heart.

My unbelief never truly was done away with because I wasn't allowing God to take my hand through this fire, but instead, I attempted to put out this raging flame of doubt with men's wisdom; which I perceived as water but, in actuality, was gasoline. (addendum - The reason for this in the context of my legalism came into view when I read "But the law (legalism) is not of faith..." -Galatians 3:12 - The devil had subjected me to a grand decpetion by having me turn to man's wisdom instead of God's grace when confronted with doubts because in doing so, my lifestyle remained in the appearance of one who was in love with Jesus with a pure heart, yet I was truly living by rules instead of faith. It requires no faith to live by rules, but it takes much faith to know that you have no other way out of your current circumstance apart from the direct intervention and aid of God.)

In a maze of fire I walked legalistically down its narrow ways, thinking that the LORD would burn me if I misheard His direction. My fear of God became unhealthy as I perceived His love as a speck of hope too distant to be grasped by immediate reach. All of these lies mounted and soon I would be satisfied with a glimmer of love from time to time. Then it was back to the maze that I fed with everything I could to subside its burns. Testimony, bible-study, prayer, prayer meetings - yet and still all of these did not vanquish the flame without the additive of God's grace to transform repetition into revival. So now, I come, weak and without answer - LORD, hear my cry and grant me repentance from the loveless life I have been living and have dragged my wife into. All the world is without remedy for the enemy excpet your supernatural power in my flesh's weakness. LORD, I believe Your grace is sufficient. I believe Your narrow path is amidst green pastures and still waters. I believe Your yoke is easy and Your burden for me is light. Though it may be as heavy as a nation of lost souls in need of Your salvation, I know that Your Spirit will produce the joy that will be my strength to carry it by Your grace. LORD, I proclaim that for the first time in 2 years that Your victory far outweighs the ability of my own delusion. That the enemy and accuser of my soul is cast down and Your times of refreshing have come! LORD, keep me far from this heart of despair and near to Yours. Amen and Amen.

As I was having this revealed to me, my wife walked into the room and I calmly told her, "I think we've had a breakthrough." She sat down and I told her what God was revealing to me. Tears of joy began streaming down her face as she knew that her prayers had been answered. In the midst of my bondage, she had gotten so discouraged to the point of questioning her salvation and if she had ever heard from God. Assuredly, the enemy had been cast down and a new chapter in our lives was about to begin. A chapter of freedom, love, compassion, truth and much to learn. Jesus promised the Holy Spirit would lead us into all Truth...once again, my God has never failed to keep His Word. More revelations have been building upon this one over the past few days and hopefully I'll be able to find time to share them as well. Praise be to God!

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating or drinking (legalism) but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." Romans 14:17